Lifelong Learner #30
The most generous assumption
To all lifelong learners,
It’s been two weeks since my last newsletter. That’s because I’ve been prioritizing off screen time. This makes this newsletter even more important, and it’s about a topic that is very close to heart: Assuming good intent.
Many people spend more time than they probably think about reflecting on how much energy we spend interpreting the actions of others.
A thought I’m exploring: What if our default reaction to the behavior of others shapes our own wellbeing far more than the actual behavior itself?
This brings me to the concept of assuming good intent, or extending the “benefit of the doubt.” In psychology, there is a cognitive bias known as the Fundamental Attribution Error. It states that when we make a mistake, we blame our circumstances (e.g., “I was late because traffic was awful”). But when someone else makes the exact same mistake, we tend to blame their character (e.g., “They are late because they are disrespectful and disorganized”).
When we assume bad intent, we trigger our own stress responses. We become defensive, communication breaks down, and minor misunderstandings escalate into exactly the kind of “conversation debt” we’ve talked about before.
Assuming good intent, on the other hand, is not about being naive or letting people cross our boundaries. It is a strategic emotional choice. It involves giving someone the Most Respectful Interpretation (MRI) of their actions.
By pausing and assuming the other person is simply tired, overwhelmed, or lacking context, rather than acting out of malice, we protect our own peace of mind. It allows us to approach the situation with curiosity instead of hostility, creating an environment where problems can actually be solved.
A question I’m asking myself: When was the last time I reacted poorly because I assumed someone was actively trying to make things difficult, and how would my reaction have changed if I assumed they were just doing the best they could with the resources they had?
Our collective challenge: This week, let’s try a mental pause.
The MRI Experiment: When someone does something you perceive as strange at work, cuts you off in traffic, or forgets a commitment, intentionally assign the Most Respectful Interpretation to their behavior.
The Internal Shift: Instead of thinking, “They don’t care,” tell yourself, “They must be missing information right now.” Notice how this simple reframing changes the physical tension in your own body.
Looking forward to learning together with you. Thank you 🙏
Johan